Crafty sheep conquer cattle grids »
Posted by: SusanParrish 1 year, 1 month agoHungry sheep on the Yorkshire moors have taught themselves to roll 8ft (3m) across hoof-proof metal cattle grids - and raid villagers' valley gardens.
Read Full Story at news.bbc.co.uk
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SusanParrish1 year, 1 month ago
There was a typical blond who was sick of all the blond jokes. She decided to get a make-over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.
'That's a nice flock of sheep.' she said.
'Well thank you.' said the herder.
'I have a proposition for you.' said the girl.
'Okay.' replied the herder.
'If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?' asked the girl.
'Sure.' said the sheep herder.
The girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied '382'.
'Wow.' said the herder. 'That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home.'
So the girl went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said 'Okay, now I have a proposition for you'.
'What is it?' queried the girl.
'If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?'
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Landshark1 year, 1 month ago
ahhahahahahahaha!! those are some pretty baaaad jokes :o) gimme a sec and i'll post some too!!
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Landshark1 year, 1 month ago
"The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep." alan patrick herbert
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Landshark1 year, 1 month ago
"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner." james bovard
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Landshark1 year, 1 month ago
"An eskimo was on holiday in the South Island when is car broke down.
A local man stopped to help, and looked at the engine. "You've blown a seal" he said. "So what" said the eskimo, "At least I don't shag sheep like you....." "
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Formidable1 year, 1 month ago
Mary had a little sheep,
She took it to bed for a good nights sleep,
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
Now Mary has a little lamb.
The Doctors said WTF!
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Landshark1 year, 1 month ago
A guy, a sheep and a dog were the survivors of a terrible shipwreck,
and they found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being
there for awhile, they got into the habit of going to the beach every
evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds,
the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance! As they
sat there, the sheep was looking better and better to the guy. So, he
leaned over and put his arm around the sheep. The dog became jealous
and started growling fiercely until the guy removed his arm. After
that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets, but there was
no more cuddling.
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Landshark1 year, 1 month ago
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman. She was in
pretty bad shape, and after they nursed her back to health, they
introduced her to their evening ritual of watching the sunset.
It was another beautiful evening, warm breezes, red sky, a perfect
night for romance. Pretty soon the guy started to "get those
feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally
leaned over to the woman cautiously, and whispered in her ear...
"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
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Formidable1 year, 1 month ago
When a tourist coach passed through a small country town in Australia one of the passengers noticed a sheep tied to a lamppost on the corner in the main street.
"Oh that," said the guide, "that's the Recreation Centre"
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Formidable1 year, 1 month ago
They were the first to attempt to colonize Mars. They had landed with grass seeds to plant and horse, sheep and
cattle embryos. But the grass wouldn't grow and none of the calves would survive. The horses and sheep were
doing well, but there not enough to meet their needs. So they sent a message to earth asking for more sheep
and horses and a replacement for the cattle and grass. They particularly wanted an animal that could be used as
meat in place of beef. Earth radioed back asking if venison would be satisfactory and it was. Finally a space
shuttle arrived with the needed supplies. The bill of lading was rushed to the leader of the colony who then
spoke to his consul, "we got everything we asked for. They sent mare zygotes and doe zygotes and little lambs and ivy."
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Formidable1 year, 1 month ago
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The Man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
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Formidable1 year, 1 month ago
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. "No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn."
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SusanParrish
"The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it. You ...
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